Guess who's back!?

hi there.

Happy friday everyone!

After a what seems like a life time of radio since (literally, it's been over a year since my last post), I am SO excited to be finally back with a brand new look! 

There are so many changes that have occurred in my life since my last post. I started school, moved out of the house my family grew up in, had my job location transferred twice and started dating the most amazing guy, Phenix. In some ways, I feel as though my life is completely different.

Change is inevitable in life. Things seem to always be changing. It's really easy to see change as an obstacle in life, but I'm choosing to see it as an opportunity.

This is why I chose to revamp My Beloved, I wanted it to change with me and reflect where I am in life. During my time away, there often were times i hardly gave blogging a second thought, but over the last few months, Jesus has being stirring something fierce in my heart and really reignited the flame in my heart.  I have chosen to switch the focus and make My Beloved more of a personal blog. My heart always has been and always will be to see women empowered, confident and aware of the beauty and power they hold - that will never change. I always want to be genuine, I always want to be honest (even if the truth hurts a little) and I always want love.  I want to give people a glimpse at my dreams, goals and just every day life. I am really excited to continue to share what the Lord is doing in my life and the lives of people are me, but I am also really excited to share other things with you too.

That brings me to what I have created for ya'll, think of it as a "thanks for sticking around and believing in me" present. I love music, I love finding new music and I love finding a good playlist. Over the last few weeks and scrolled through my spotify, searching for a handful of my favourite songs to share with you! Yesterday was my 24th birthday, so here are 24 songs i've been loving lately. There is little bit of everything on the playlist, so I hope you find at least one tune you fall in love with. You can find the playlist here on Spotify or if you don't use Spotify, the list is below.

1. Haze - Amber Run
2. Somebody Else - The 1975
3. Don't Take The Money - Bleachers
4. American Beauty - Drew Holcomb & The Neighbours 
5. Jesus, She's a Good Girl - Andy Shauf
6. Katie Mcleod - Phenix Warren (proud girlfriend moment!!!)
7. She Was The World To Me - Daniel Romano 
8. Good Girls - LANY
9. The Other - Lauv
10. Ever Since New York - Harry Styles 
11. Cavalier (The 1975 Remix) - James Vincent McMorrow 
12. ILYSB - LANY
13. Killing Me To Love You - Vancouver Sleep Clinic
14. Miscarriage - Said The Whale 
15. Jackie and Wilson - Hozier
16. Morning - William Wild
17. Smoke - Mosa Wild
18. Modern New Year - Sam Tudor 
19. Where You Are (reimagined) - Hillsong Young & Free
20. Anchor - The Law and the Prophets
21. Only - RY X
22. Fool's Errand - Fleet Foxes
23. So Will I (100 Billion X) - Hillsong United
24. Anchor - Novo Amor 

I'm excited about the future, I really hope you are too! Turn on the playlist, and stick around for a minute. Read some of my old posts, maybe there will be something you need to hear in your current season of life.

I hope you feel loved today.

          - Mel 

#HerStory - Ariana

Hey strangers!

I’m sorry I've been so M.I.A lately. I have been lacking inspiration and I promised myself I would never write a post out of an obligation to blog. I want what I post to be genuine and inspired. 

I care about you all, and I don’t ever want to be fake with you. 

Today, I’ve got a real treat for you. My sweet girl Ariana is sharing a little piece of her B I G heart with us! 

I’m not exactly sure how she found me on instagram, but she had been following me for a while and was such a loyal follower. She would always like my photos and comment on them. I remember so vividly the moment when I realized who she was. I was hanging out in the bookstore of the school I was going to and a friend of mine was talking to me about this girl that she knew. She told me about her friend, Ariana, from back home that would talk to her about how cool she thought I was and how much she wanted to be my friend. I was so taken back, it was the first time I had a “fan.” Following that conversation, my heart was flooded with love for this girl that I didn’t know. I immediately followed her back and sent her a message. From that day forward she has been such a joy in my life. 

My words will neverdo justice to how incredible Ariana is. She is the biggest cheerleader to the people in her life. No matter what kind of crap she is going through in her personal life, she will always be there for her friends. She literally radiates joy, you cannot look at her and not smile. She is incredibly strong and she perseveres trials like a total boss lady! She's always willing to be vulnerable and share her heart. She is always looking for new ways that she can pursue the King, and she strives to live a life that glorifies Him in all ways. She is the kind of girl you immediately fall in love with. She captured my heart in such a unique way. I never thought that it would be possible to care SO deeply for someone I've never met before. When she hurts, I hurt and when she's happy, I'm happy. She is SO precious. This cutie is living in Ontario, working her magic and kicking butt at a local hair salon. Next year, Ariana is headed to BC (YAY!) where she's going to be taking the OMEGA program at Summit Pacific college (If you've never heard of the OMEGA program, you need to! Its life changing. Check it out!)

Ariana, you are a superstar!

I was SO happy when she agreed to write a piece for you all. It was really encouraging for me and I hope it will do the same for you. 

Take it away girl!

Hey Guys! My name is Ariana!

One of my favourite things to do is adventure, find new things in this world and in people & to share stories of what we've seen, loved and lost. 

When Mel asked me to write something for My Beloved I was filled with excitement and also incredibly overwhelmed. I'd never actually written my story without being hidden in metaphors and illustrations. So I hope, that in reading this, it would inspire you to share your story; it matters. 

Your past does not define you. This world does not define you. No human can define you. These are the hardest lessons I have had to learn. There is nothing that can depict who you are. Who you are going to be. Your past is filled with moments and memories, feelings and experiences that you were meant to live. To remember. To love and learn from. 

I know how hard and ugly that is to swallow at times. It is no ones wish to have heartache. My life has had its trials. To some they may seem small but these are the biggest thing I have had to overcome, and if I'm being totally honest I haven't entirely conquered them yet. But these are my experiences and they have brought me to the person I am now. 

When I was about six years old my parents split up. At that age I didn't fully understand what that meant, and as I grew older I don't think I fully grasped how much that affected me. No, my father was not completely cut out of my life, but not having him in the home, not having the love of a father was something I lost. Because of this I tired to grasp at anything to fill the void in my life. I looked at men to tell me I was beautiful.

When I was in high school I gave myself to a boy I thought wanted all of me. I was wrong. He stole a part of me and when he wasn't satisfied he left me shattered and I realized that is simply all he wanted; to use me. I lost sight of any purpose I thought I had, all of my passions and love for people. I thought that any compliment I received was merely a coo. I believed that I was nothing unless I was performing sexually. I started to think that that was my only purpose. That I was nothing more that a piece of meat. I hid myself from everyone. I became vulnerable, naive and captive to these lies. I became their puppet. Of course beauty and my body was all I had to offer, no one could ever love anything else. I was in this horrible mindset. Going through life thinking I had no value. Wondering if I would ever fill this huge hole in my heart. 

I grew up in the lutheran church but in my fathers world it was only something done on Sunday mornings - It was an obligation not a choice. So when I attended a youth conference and learned that there is so much more of God beyond religion, that there is a relationship here filled with abundant love and care, I wept on my knees until the floor in front of me was soaked and I had no tears left to shed. I did not weep solely because of what I'd done, but because I had never felt so much love. My Father wrapped his arms around me and the chains of lies I'd been believing were broken. I finally heard of all the amazing things God had to say about me. He told me I was beautiful. He told me he loved me. He told me I didn't have to be anything other than who I was. He gave me the strength to say no. To this day I have to continue to run to Him. To let him consume me, because my fight against those lies has not fully ended. But I am loved! I have a purpose, my passions are valuable and I have the power to help others. 

One of the most important things I have leaned in my life is to trust God, even when you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. To know that He is Hope. That he has a purpose for everything that you are going through. In the midst of it all you may not see any reasoning behind what's happening, but there is so much to learn. I would not be the woman I am without the trials I've faced. I would not be able to help other people in my situation. It was not without fight that I am here now, but my how much more beautiful the world is when God opens your eyes.

God has broken my heart in so many ways but I yearn for women to never have to experience this pain. For women to know their worth and that they are loved. Irregardless of what's missing in their lives or of what people have said to them. Nothing here, in this life, can define you. Your creator defines you. He made you. Wrapped in beauty and filled with love. The love He has for you isn't even comprehendible. And He wants you to share it with others. To empower each other and share your story. So that people know they are not alone, there is someone out there who has fought or is fighting the same battle. Equip each other. Because you are more than enough! Your value doesn't decrease based on someone's in ability to see your worth. 

xoxo 

- Ariana

See, I told you she was amazing! If what Ariana has shared with us hits home for you, don't be afraid to find her on Instagram and send her a message! I know she would be so excited to hear about how her story has helped you!

Stay tuned for the next post, I have something stirring in my heart that I cannot wait so share with you!

Love you all endlessly!

- Mel 

#HerStory - Holly

Hi friends!

     When I first started dreaming up My Beloved, one of the things I really wanted to incorporate was the opportunity to have other girls share their experiences and their relationship with the Lord. Testimonies and experiences can be overwhelmingly impacting - We can't deny someone of their story. This is where the series #HerStory came from! 

Today we are lucky enough to have one of my favourite people in the world share on identity and what that has looked like in her life.

Everybody meet Holly

I met Holly at the beginning of my freshman year at Summit Pacific Bible College. We were both freshmen and were both in the same program called Omega - a one year discipleship program focused on serving in the local church and missions. Anyways through a series of events we ended up becoming roomies!

Let me tell you, Holly is by a landslide, one of the coolest girls I have ever met. 

Holly has been one of the most constant people in my life. She is always challenging those around her and is always calling out the good that she sees in those around her. She lives her life fearlessly and is always taking on new opportunities and challenges. She is one of the funniest people I know and I can't go a couple hours without laughing my butt off when I'm around her. Holly has a beautiful, flourishing relationship with Jesus and it is very evident in how she lives her life. Im telling ya, this girl is completely captivated by Him and is figuring out daily, ways to live out His love.  Holly is unique and she really embraces that part of her! She's not afraid to stand out in a crowd and challenge social norms. Holly loves metal music and has the best style! I love that she doesn't chose to wear what everyone else is wearing or whats trendy, but instead she wears what she loves! As cliche as it is, she's one of the most beautiful girls - inside and out (she's also single, if any boys are reading this). I am so thankful that she's apart of my life, let alone one of my best friends. I wouldn't trade her for anything and I'm so excited you guys get to hear from her today!

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect”

YO. My name is Holly, and I’m PUMPED to chat with you. One of my favorite activities ever is hanging out with my friends while coffee is present. Which it is for me at the moment, so if it is not for you, go grab some coffee, then come back.

So, something that I’ve always struggled with is knowing exactly who I am. I went through all the stages you could imagine. I went through my ‘scene’ years in middle school and a bit of high school where I hid myself in dark clothes and watching titanic every night. I had a few years in high school where I tried to act more girly than I actually am.  When I got into the older grades of high school, a lot about my life started becoming hard and fast. Things got really difficult when I was around 15 and then I became even more confused as to who I was. 

When I entered into college I got wrapped up in the lie that my confidence came from whether or not a boy was interested in me. This took me a long time to get over, and if I’m being real, I did not get over this idea until recently. There are plenty of reasons I could potentially peg to be the root of this problem, however I believe the reason for the problem is not as important as how I overcame it.

Something that is a reality in my life at the moment is that everyone around me is either dating, getting engaged, getting married, or even having babies. Therefore, I began to think that because I was lacking in all of those departments, what did I have going for me if nobody was showing interest in me? This was such an unhealthy outlook on life, and not fun at all! I went through a couple of bad relationships over the past few years; situations that were just not healthy and were not centered on Christ.

At the end of a hard semester this past spring, I decided that I was going to hang back on the whole dating thing. I can honestly say that since then, I have genuinely never been happier, as I simply haven’t been living to please anyone other than my homie Jesus Christ. This summer and these past few months have been a time where I focused completely on myself and have been learning what it means to be confident on my own, and I quickly learned that there was no such thing as being confident on my own, but only confident in knowing I am God’s creation. 

1 Corinthians 15:10 says “But by the grace of God, I am what I am”. This brought me to the reality that the only thing I need to feel confident in myself is the assurance of grace, in which I am living proof that this has already been given to me. 

I have made many mistakes in my life, which my friends and family could attest to, however I know that by the grace and love of God alone, I can be confident in every part of who I am. The fact that I am loved with a relentless love from the Creator of the universe is more than enough reason for me to wake up everyday and feel stoked about the adventures in the life that God gave me! 

This summer I learned to love myself in the least annoying way possible, I promise.  I found so much enjoyment in uncovering more layers to the spiritual gifts I feel God has blessed me with, trying to better my musical abilities, and just trying to be a better person all together. What this does not look like is trying to be the best version of myself, rather trying with every fiber of my being to look like Jesus Christ. 

I have found so much enjoyment in simply being who I am, strengthening my relationships with friends, deepening my relationship with God, and then getting to pour that out onto my youth students, family, and my friends. 

I am definitely not and never will be perfect. Some days I don’t really understand myself. For example, one night I will be crying in front of my TV watching the bachelorette, and another night I will be falling asleep peacefully while listening to heavy metal. I don’t really understand exactly what label I would have, and I have learned that that is okay. Who keeps the labels on things anyways? Aren’t we supposed to throw those things away when we purchase something? God made so many layers to all of His children, and what a privilege it is that we can uncover more about ourselves as we grow up!  

So my advice to you is to fall in love with your life, stay real, and keep God at the center of your life. I guarantee you won’t be disappointed!

If anything I said today resinated with you and you want to chat about it you can find me on Instagram or you can email me at holly@rossroadcc.ca

STAY RAD!

Holly

---

Nobody Likes a Complainer

I'M BACK!

     You have no idea how good it feels to say that. After what turned out to be a much needed break and reality check, I'm back! During my break, I had a lot of time to think about and reflect on how much this blog really means to me - how much YOU mean to me. I am beyond excited for everything I have planned and even more excited for the things that aren't planned. That being said, lets jump right in!

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     This weekend is Thanksgiving here in Canada, and when I begin to think about my life, I have SO much to be thankful for. I think its such an attractive quality in people when they are full of gratitude. When they really have a grasp on how blessed they really are and the don't take things for granted. I want to be that kind of person.

     I used to be a complainer, a big one. If i'm being honest, I still complain more than I should. A while back, a close friend and I were having a very real, raw and honest conversation with each other about our strengths and our weaknesses. This friend pointed out to me (with so much love) that I tend to complain... a lot. At first, I got defensive. Me?! Melissa?! A complainer!? No freaking way. I started to pay close attention to my words and my thoughts - it hit me. I was a complainer. That very moment I started to do something, something that has totally changed my thoughts and my words. Every night before I go to bed (ok, almost every night) I write down in my journal a list of things I'm thankful for. I'm telling you, this has helped me SO much.

    When I think back, and eve think about presently, I have no excuse to complain. I have the best life. I think part of the problem stems from the culture that we exist in. A culture that tells us to never be content with what we have or who we are. A culture that is constantly telling us that we constantly need more. We are always comparing our lives and what we have to the people around us. We never seem to be satisfied. How sad is that, my heart hurts for the culture we live in. How hard is it to look at our lives and burst with gratitude and joy. Even in the hardest of times, we have so much to be thankful for. How much happier would we be as a culture if we stopped comparing, stopped complaining and stop focusing on what we don't have. Instead, we focus of how flippen blessed we are, how many good and beautiful things we have in our life. I think we would be greatly surprised with the results. 

     So this thanksgiving weekend (or this weekend for those reading outside of Canada), I challenge you to rethink your posture. Pay close attention to your words, actions and thoughts. Are you someone that is full of gratitude and thanksgiving, or are you consumed with comparison and complaining. In those moments when you are tempted to complain and compare, do what ever it takes to capture those words and thoughts and use the opportunity to give thanks. Reflect on the good. Your life will be so much richer. I challenge you to start keeping a gratitude journal! I know how much that helped me and has helped a few of my friends as well. You can never be too thankful! To conclude todays post, I thought I would write my own list of things that Im thankful for on this sunday afternoon.

     I am thankful for...

1. My church, Jesus + the freedom I have to freely worship.
2. My family
3. Lattes that are bigger than my face 
4. Laughter
5. The fact that the weather has cooled down - fall is the best
6. New friends + old friends
7. Big cozy cardigans
8. My Beloved
9. YOU - seriously, I am so thankful for all the untold stories and people I have yet to meet, even the ones I already have met. You are so important to me. 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone 

- Melissa 

Am I Called?

HELLO FRIENDS, I am so sorry I have been MIA, I was really sick, then life got really busy with Easter and life. I am really excited to share with you today about something thats been really on my heart lately. Let me know what you think <3

Am I called? This is a question I have tossed around for years. A question that has encouraged me and has also really burdened me. A question of confusion and has left me feel lost. A question that I thought I knew the answer to, but in turn, ended up feeling even more lost and confused. Recently I re-approached the question as I had been really struggling with it again and some of the people in my life were also struggling with. This time I wasn’t going to settle for just any answer, I wanted THE answer. So this week I spent a lot of time in prayer - Lord, am I called? 

This idea of being “called” wasn't really introduced me until my years in bible college. There I have been surrounded by so many incredible people. People that are so obviously captivated by the Lord and following where He leads them. Generally speaking that was some form of pastoral ministry. The word “called” was tossed around so often, everyone seemed to have an idea about what that meant. In conversation people would talk about people being called or what they felt they were being called to. It seemed like everyone I came into contact with was so sure of their “calling.” I felt like everything was being fast forwarded around me, and I was stuck on pause. Why didn’t I have this feeling? Why didn’t I feel called? What was Jesus calling me to? If I didn't feel like I had a calling, was I called? My heart was screaming out to the Lord, what about me God? Am I not called? It got to the point where I let other people around me tell me what my calling was. I was so desperate for this calling that I looked for it in the affirmation of others. I was a bible college student, with a lot of great interpersonal skills, and a lot of people telling me I would make a great pastor, so I ran with that. The affirmation of my peers and what they thought I should do with my life was more important than the plan Jesus had for me. 

Now, bare with me, I'm going to fast forward a bit, I realized that maybe I wasn’t called to pastoral ministry and that Jesus had another plan for my life. This really turned my world upside down even more. If Jesus didn’t want me to be in formal pastoral ministry, surely I am not called. Aren’t callings only ministry based? If I'm not going to pastor, my life surely is meaningless. Nothing I could ever do would ever be as important or worthy as a pastor. These were questions and thoughts that haunted me for a very long time. I still wasn’t sure if I was called or what that looked like for me. My life was still a whirlwind of confusion about what it even meant to be called. I wanted so badly to follow Jesus and the plan He had for me. I wanted to and still do want to serve Him with everything I am and everything I have. 

I was so focused on the idea of wanting to be “called” that I completely missed the fact that I was already called. 

In the Old Testament, the word call in Hebrew has a very similar meaning to the word call in english today. It simply meant to call. Just like we call a friend, or call to God, or call animals. In the Old Testament call also meant to name. To name was to be called and to be called was to be named. Just liked God named Israel, He also names us as His own. Later on in the New Testament the word called was synonymous with salvation. Calling was so obviously and overwhelmingly God calling people to Himself. When the Lord calls people to Himself it is no casual encounter. He is so captivating that the only response we can have is to acknowledge that he is the universal Caller. When we become Christian, we become called. In the New Testament, Jesus calls people to follow him. When He does this, it is also an invitation to other things and tasks: to peace, to fellowship, to eternal life, to suffering, to service and debatably most importantly - discipleship. We, as believers, are called to disciple everyone, everywhere and everything. 

It is so clear to me, that in the bible, a calling is such a crucial, central and complex theme. It would be so easy to consider it a metaphor for the journey of faith in life. When we limit the word to bible college kids, pastoral ministry, so even particular texts or stages of life, I really think we miss the big picture that God has for us. Similarly when we put so much focus on the calling and not the Caller. It would be like walking through a forest and missing it cause you were so focused on one single tree. We are disciples of Jesus and we are CALLED. 

As Christians, there are two obvious callings, one primary and one secondary. Our primary calling is to Christ and Christ alone. We are called by Him, to Him and for Him. Secondarily we are called to to think, speak, live and act for Him. This is where vocational callings come in. We are all so uniquely equipped with various gifts, talents, personality, passions, dreams. These are the heart beat behind what a “calling” could be. Some are called to pastoral ministry, some are called to homemaking and motherhood. Others are called to be teachers, florist, lawyers, dancers. actors, baristas. The list could go on forever. When we are so intimately in tune with the Lord and do our very best to follow the path He has laid for us, and seek Him above all else. Our “callings” happen so natural. When we seek to glorify Him in all we do, and use the skill sets HE has equipped us with, He will do the rest of the handy work. He will mold your heart and give you the strength you need. HE will give you dreams so big you can hardly believe them. HE will lead you down a path towards the life He wants for you. I am so thankful that I serve a God that has CALLED me, and EQUIPPED me for the plans He has for me. 

YOU are CALLED, and you are WORTHY of that call. So start living a life that reflects that. Start walking in the truth that YOU.ARE.CALLED, no matter what you think, He has a plan for your life, and I can guarantee that it is beyond anything you could ever imagine.

I love you all dearly, I want to know your thoughts and what you feel called too <3

I am who HE says I am

Hello friends! 

     I have been so overwhelmed by the love and support My Beloved has been getting! I am so grateful for everyone that shared posts and for those that sent me the most encouraging notes, messages and texts! I cannot express how excited I am for this journey and how excited I am to see where the Lord takes My Beloved. I am SO thankful for YOU. 

I will be the first to tell you I have horrible self esteem, and at times it is really really hard for me to see myself in a positive uplifting light. I always see and pay attention to the negative things, the things I see and the things that have been pointed out in my by others. It has been and continues to be my greatest struggle in life and I know that it holds me back from a lot of things in a lot of ways. Because of this, I have always been very influenced by what people say about me. I have continuously let people define me and always in a negative lights. I have always let the bad outweigh the good. 

You’re fat, you're ugly, you're stuck up, you're a goody two-shoes, you're a religious snob, you look like a pregnant horse, you're not good enough, you're not pretty enough, you’re annoying,  you're not popular enough, are you sure you want that candy bar, you've worn that plaid a lot lately maybe you should stop, you need to care more about how you dress, dress more like a girl, the girls here don't like you, people are threatened by you, you're not talented enough - I could go on with the things that people have said to me. 

They stick in my mind like glue. On repeat in mind, never letting me forget. No matter how much positive encouragement I get from the people I love and that love me. 

Recently I was asked to describe myself in 3 words, 3 simple words. Seems pretty simple eh? It was so painful for me. I came up with one word, ONE, and it wasn’t a well received by those listening. My word to describe me - boring. 

That word slapped me in the face. BORING?! The only place this word comes from is the years of being beat down by those around me. Never allowing myself to flourish in self confidence, and really love the woman the Lord has created me to be. Boring. A word that completely neglects to see the vibrancy that I carry. A word that disqualifies me from seeing myself as a unique and beautiful individual. A word that I need to rid my vocabulary of permanently because frankly I am anything but boring. 

 I started to pray from that day forward that the Lord would reveal to me how HE sees. I asked Him to show me how He would describe me. Who is Melissa to Him? I have been completely floored and humbled by His response. I am who HE says I am. 

I am beautiful, I am loved, I am kind, I am compassionate, I am joyful, I am always laughing, I am funny, I have the biggest heart, I have a voice, I put others first, I am thoughtful, I am intelligent, I am crafty, I am talented, I am passionate, I am so full of life, I make people laugh, I always look for the best in others, I have influence, I am going places, I love well, I am sassy, I am adventurous, I uplift, I speak life, I am in love with the Lord and I know that I am His Beloved. 

That is all that matters. No other labels, no other words, His and His alone. They define me, He defines me. 

I am who HE says I am.

Low self esteem and a lack of confidence is something that is SO prevalent in women today. There are very few girls I know that have not struggled with their own self esteem. My hope is that this will help encourage those of you that might struggle with the same thing! The Lord’s heart completely breaks when we see ourselves differently than the way HE see’s us. After all we are created in HIS image, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” Genesis 1:27. He loves each of us so dearly and He desires us to be confident in the women He created us to be. Not the women we have allowed ourselves to believe that we are based off our own thoughts of the things that people have labelled us as. We need to be confident in who He has created us to be. Never becoming prideful of it, but recognizing the words that He is speaking over us, speaking over you. Sometimes we have to press pause on life and take time to listen to His still small voice speaking life over us. Grasping each word He speaks and holding on to it. You are BEAUTIFUL, you are VIBRANT, you are LOVED, you are UNIQUE and you are His BELOVED. 

Praying for all of you this week + I really hope this resinates with you the way it has with me.

- Melissa xox